How should I respond when someone says sorry?

People often ask, “As a peacemaker, how should I receive an apology?”

We spend a lot of time learning to give good apologies, but receiving them well is just as important for restoring relationships.

Our natural responses

Think about the last time someone said “sorry” to you. How did you respond?

I’ve noticed three common responses that reflect the “slippery slope”:

Peacefaking: awkwardly dismissing the apology with “no worries” or “forget it”. It may feel kind, but it can leave the air uncleared.
Peacebreaking: meeting the apology with cold rejection, especially if we’re still hurt or angry: “So you should be” or “I don’t accept it.”
Peacemaking: responding with loving honesty. This takes humility, courage and reflection.

Preparing your heart

A peacemaking response begins with looking at your own heart.

Ask: What impact has this had on me? Sometimes the hurt is minor. Other times, it’s deep. Either way, be truthful about it.

Then, remember your own need for God’s grace. Scripture reminds us:

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves… If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us.” (1 John 1:8-9)

We forgive because Christ has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). That truth softens our hearts towards the one who is apologising.

Three steps to receive an apology well

Acknowledge: Let them know you’ve heard them. “Thanks for saying sorry” or “I appreciate you sharing that.”
Share the impact: If the offence was minor, a simple “It’s fine” can be truthful. If there was hurt, gently share how it affected you and, if appropriate, your own part in the conflict.
Share your response: If you can, let them know you forgive them. If not yet, be honest and, if possible, explain what might help you get there.

With Jesus’ help

Receiving an apology well isn’t always easy. But with the Holy Spirit’s help, we can respond in ways that bring healing, build trust and reflect God’s grace.

To find out more about how you can live as a peacemaker in your relationships, why not consider coming along to one of our upcoming training events or picking up a book on forgiveness in our store.

This devotion was written by Wayne Forward. Wayne is the CEO of PeaceWise. He loves Jesus’ promise, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” He is committed to helping as many people as possible of every age know and experience this promise for themselves.