A gentle answer turns away wrath

Sometimes, people say or do things that frustrate us, seem careless or hit a nerve. In those moments, it can be tempting to bite back or respond with a harsh word. Before we know it, a small irritation can build into a pressure cooker, ready to blow at any moment. But Proverbs 15 reminds us that how we respond to others can make all the difference when tensions arise:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

Choosing how we respond isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are running high, but with God’s help, we can learn to pause, respond with wisdom and help prevent conflict from escalating.

A gentle answer in action

I was recently on a coach tour in Ireland with around 40 people. We had already spent several days touring Scotland and Wales, and by about day 10 or 11, we were all getting a little bit tired. Even though we were a diverse group, we had started to get to know each other and there was general respect amongst us. No arguments had been obvious apart from a few grumbles against the tour guide.

On this day, the guide gave her normal morning overview and history talk, then said she would put on Riverdance for us to watch while we were travelling to the next site. Mostly everyone was happy to watch the Irish dancing accompanied by Irish folk music, but not everyone.  

Just after the video started, the man sitting across the aisle from me started to play different music loudly on his phone, competing with the video. I hoped that he would make his angry protest then have enough respect to turn it off – but he continued playing it. I then hoped that the tour director would say something to him, but I quickly realised that if she did it would escalate the situation and create an even bigger problem. I looked around and others were looking intently at the back of his chair or giving agonised looks in our direction. So I prayed and asked God to calm the man and solve the problem.

It soon became apparent that there would be a lot of very annoyed travellers by the time we reached the next stop and our peaceful trip wouldn’t be so peaceful. It was also apparent that I was the only one close enough to say anything to him – groan!  But what could I do – or say – that wouldn’t start a fight?  

Pausing before we respond

I remembered the importance of pausing. Rather than reacting out of frustration, I gave myself time, decided to stay calm as it wasn’t my fight anyway, and asked God for the words to say. 

Then when I felt it was entirely necessary, I quietly leaned across the aisle and asked the man if he was aware that we could hear his music, that maybe he had earbuds in and didn’t realise, as I’d done something similar the day before. He acknowledged with a grunt that maybe he should turn it down. Within a couple of minutes, he had turned his music off completely and settled for the rest of the journey. 

And because of that, it became a non-event. The fire that could have blazed, fizzled out. The only talk of it that I heard over the next day or two was a handful of people quietly thanking me for saying something. They had no idea what I’d said, but it had worked and they were thankful.

The power of a gentle answer

So, AMEN to the words of Proverbs 15:1: ‘A gentle answer turns away wrath’.

While it matters what you say, it sometimes matters even more how you say it. Taking time to pause, pray and consider our attitude can help us respond with wisdom rather than frustration. We can’t control how another person will respond, but with God’s help, we can choose how we approach them.

Proverbs 15:3 also reminds us that “The eyes of the Lord are everywhere”. Wherever we find ourselves, even on the other side of the world, God is with us. We can turn to him for wisdom and help as we seek to live as peacemakers.

As you go about your everyday life, may God help you pause, choose your words carefully and offer a gentle answer that opens the way to peace.

If you’d like to keep developing your peacemaking skills, our Everyday Peacemaking training offers practical, biblical tools to help you navigate conflict and strengthen relationships in everyday life. Our 2027 training dates are now available in our training calendar, with more dates to be added soon. Explore our upcoming personal peacemaking courses here.

This devotion was written by Jenny Metcalfe. Jenny is the Finance and Administration Officer for PeaceWise, where she has served since 2013, bringing her financial and administrative experience to support the ministry. She is passionate about helping Christians draw on the wisdom of Scripture and the transforming power of Christ to navigate conflict and bring peace into their relationships. Jenny lives on the Central Coast with her family and attends Erina Community Baptist Church.