Are face and peacemaking in conflict?
Various Chinese people have said to me, “Our relationships are too complicated to apply these peacemaking principles” or “Face makes it impossible to address conflict.”
Comments like these make it clear that one can’t talk about peacemaking in Asian cultures without talking about the issue of face (saving face, losing face, giving face.)
The biggest barrier
A number of Chinese Christians have said that face issues are the biggest barrier to resolving conflict and reconciling with others. One woman, Huang Jingjing told me,
“I used to rarely apologize to my husband or child. For one, I felt there was a reason for my anger toward them. Two, there was also my face. Even though in my heart I felt conscience-stricken and ashamed of my words, I still would not apologize. I would think, Just wait for a while; it will pass.
I think a lot of people, like me, really want face. It is extremely hard to take the first step and admit our mistake or wrong; we fear that others will think poorly of us, or even attack us. I have this worry…. I feel like apologizing proves I have failed or done something wrong. This demonstrates that I’m no good”.(Changing Normal, p. 22-23)
In many cultures, having your fault pointed out by someone else or personally admitting a mistake result in feeling like you have lost face. And many people feel that the impact of losing face is worse than having made the mistake.
What is face?
Simply put, “a person feels they possess face when they perceive that their reputation is intact, they feel solid and respected in their identity, and they feel accepted and socially affirmed as having value to others and their community” (Changing Normal, p. 88). At a gut level, face feels like an intrinsic part of oneself.
God instilled in the human heart the longing for acceptance and affirmation of value which are the roots of face. From the beginning, God was relationally involved with Adam and Eve.
Prior to humanity’s fall, as recorded in Genesis, open and transparent communication and harmony occurred between God, humankind, and the world. Though physically naked, Adam and Eve felt no fear; they had nothing to hide from God (Gen 2:25). In face terms, Adam and Eve perceived that their reputation was intact, their identity was secure, and their value was affirmed.
The fall’s impact
Only when Adam and Eve disobeyed God did they feel afraid and view their nakedness as something shameful to be hidden (Gen 3:7). Instead of confessing to God, they hid. From that point on, people have used negative face-saving strategies such as hiding and denial to respond to situations in which they feel shame, embarrassment, and loss of face.
Our current face-condition—apart from Christ—is quite fragile. We constantly look to those around us to give us face or determine our face. Yet, the only source of lasting face is God’s Face, mediated to us through the face of Christ.
Connecting with God’s face
Through a deep connection with the Face of God, our face needs can be fulfilled. In Romans, Paul says:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (NIV). Romans 8:38-39
No amount of loss of face from others can separate us from the love and acceptance of God.
Having true face from God gives us courage to live in peacemaking ways in this fallen world. Rather than seeing face and peacemaking as being in conflict, we find that by approaching disputes with the wisdom and guidance found in God’s word and the example of his son Jesus, we can address relational conflicts well without compromising our dignity. We can now admit a mistake, or confess a sin, without danger to our face. Our true face remains intact.
This excerpt was adapted from Changing Normal: Break Through Barriers to Pursuing Peace in Relationships by Jolene Kinser. Copyright © 2024 by Jolene Kinser. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
More information
You can hear more from Jolene Kinser in this free webinar recording “Biblical peacemaking in Chinese culture” that was recorded on Thursday 27 June 2024, where she discussed with PeaceWise CEO, Wayne Forward, the issue of “face” in Chinese culture and how face issues present some of the biggest barriers to resolving conflicts and reconciling with others. You can order a copy of Jolene’s book from the PeaceWise online bookstore here.
This devotional was written by Jolene Kinser
Having spent much of the time between 1997 and 2020 committed to working overseas in China, Jolene now lives in southern California. Jolene works as a global Chinese peacemaking ministry developer and educator and as a peacemaking specialist under the South Pacific Alliance District of The Christian and Missionary Alliance.
Jolene is passionate about helping people resolve conflict, restore peace, and experience reconciliation both with God and others. Using biblically based principles, she specialises in working with people who are Chinese or who live and work in a Chinese or multi-cultural context.
